The people…they are the ones that keep me going everyday.  Reminding me that there is more to life.  Yes a job would be nice but it is not the end of the world.  My best friend told me that when God closes a door he opens a window.  And she is right.  The window has been opened.  I just have to figure out how to get through it.  And I will, no doubt.  Ryen has been a godsend and I have been horrible to him through all of this.  For that I am regretful.  I know he understands but it doesn’t take the hurt away.  I will find a way to make it right just as soon as I figure out how I am getting through that window.  Ryen, if you are reading this, please be patient.

Madi is the best kid ever.  And she also has an awesome Dad.  One that paid my personal property tax and offered to pay Madi’s last ER bill.  I am thankful that he is in my life and Madi’s.  Without him it would be so much harder to deal with, well, life in general.

It is 3 am, I have always taught Madi to share and I forgot to tell her to keep her colds to herself.  So now I am sick and she is thankfully better.  So I am off to bed for the 4th time tonight.  Hoping that getting some of this off of my mind will help me sleep a little better tonight.  Goodnight world…hoping tomorrow brings nothing but good things.

Love,

Lorie

I don’t know what to say about my friend.  The loss is too new, still a fresh wound that I suspect will not heal quickly.  It was not expected and I am still reeling from the surprise of it all.  I am angry.  I am very angry that he is gone.  I am angry with what I have seen in people who I thought were his friends.  My mind is filled with thoughts of my mortality and how we are all living on borrowed time whether we choose to believe that or not.  Nothing is promised to us in regards to time.  All these things are supposed to make us want to live life to the fullest.  Then why do I feel so damn hopeless?

My friend who passed used to tell me that the world was full of “f’d up people”.  I shrugged it off as one of his many negative views of society.  A result of being dealt a crappy hand for most of his adult life.  Now that he is gone, I think he is mostly right.  I am shocked and hurt by the way people reacted to his death.  The terrible things that were said and done on the night of his death make me wonder - Don’t we all have a moral compass?  And if we do – In what direction do you have to be to do such f’d up things to a dead mans grieving family?  A man whom you claimed was a friend.

I know that God is watching and he is deeply disappointed.  I know that my friend is watching and saying to me “I told you so!”.  I hope that Karma is God’s way of pointing your compass in the right direction.  Maybe righting the wrongs of the world.  I hope that my friend saw all the love and sorrow that surrounded his death.  I only know one thing for sure, he will be deeply missed by me.

Rest in peace my friend.  Some day we will surely meet again. <3

But one thing we have to do tomorrow (unless she is running a fever) is get glasses.  Both of us – Me and Madi.  I know I need glasses and I haven’t even had my eyes checked yet.  I am getting old indeed.  My eyesight is causing horrible headaches that make me pray for permanent darkness to make the pain go away.  I am hoping the glasses help.  Ryen is REALLY hoping the glasses help.  I know he is just as sick of them as I am.  He is patient but he hates seeing me in pain and I hate ruining everyone’s day/night/weekend.  Madi needs glasses to read.  I knew this last year when I had her eyes checked but the Optometrist suggested I wait another year before spending the money on lenses because he knew her eyesight would change (get worse?) and he didn’t want me to spend the money and have to return in 6 months for new lenses.  So we are getting glasses.  The three of us will be wearing glasses.  A family of four eyes!  Yippppeee! 

And because Madi’s fever required lots of attention, I am sort of spent.  So I am ending this post with a simple YIPPPEEE~!  SUBWAY SANDWICHES are here!  I am hungry, so let’s eat.  Sorry, I didn’t get enough for the internet but YUM – It smells so good.  It’s the little things people!  I hope your weekend is filled with sunshine and regular bodily temperatures.

Edited:  Wow.  Taylor you need to learn to iron.  Your an adult now.  I will teach you! 

To Whom it May concern:

I am not sure if this is the correct department (do years have departments) or if I should address the months separately voicing my specific complaints for said month.  If that is the case, please make copies and pass out to the other months, most of you sucked so badly I feel you owe me that much.  I have several issues with you and was told by your older brother 2010, that I should contact you with a list of complaints and then move on.  Because 2010 has assured me that it is going to be better.  All the months are planned out with FUN moments and I have been assured that I won’t remember the bad moments you gave me by the time June rolls around.  June has some big plans for me so you can suck it June 2009.

2010 is all about lists – Life lists, to-do lists, packing lists, things I will need for that photography class list etc. So twenty-Ten (he likes to be called that, Yo!) suggested I purge my list of bad things you did to me.  Yes I am still talking to you 2009!  So here goes, take note of my complaints and do with them what you will.  Which I have been warned is probably going to be NOTHING because you are retired now and why would you care that you provided anyone bad yearly services?  Hopefully you won’t get all catty by chasing twenty-ten around claiming that I need to repeat some of these things because I didn’t do them right the first time or some crazy shit like that.

2009 “You did me wrong” list:

My Dad was very sick during most of your watch and suddenly your brother comes along and he si doing better.  I find this suspicious.

Chris and I had been separated and it just so happens that our divorce was final in 2009.  It is only fitting since you provided a lot of unhappy times maybe it was a theme year and you forgot to tell everyone else.

I met Ryen at the beginning (the one good thing you had going for you) and it was almost like you decided that meeting Ryen was such a great thing I shouldn’t be allowed anything else of the good karma variety in 09.  Whatever 2009 – we are still together and 2010 is taking us to a weekend getaway which is something you could never manage to do during the entire 12 months you were calling the shots.  There were plenty of chances but you came up short every single time.  Shame on you for not trying harder.

Laid off from my all time favorite job.

Laying off my friends which in turn caused great concern for those friends.  I lost sleep over this 2009 – you disgust me!

Finding me the best job in the pay area only to find out that I am working with robots.  Do you have any idea what this is like?  Imagine working in a building with hundreds of people, none of those people have personalities which mean they never talk to you unless it is work related and they don’t get me or my sense of humor.  This is a problem.  I complained about this and YOU 2009, did nothing to fix it but 2010 has already improved the situation to a point that it is now tolerable and dare I say I like my job.  And yet you couldn’t make it tolerable enough to get me through a week without tearful moments.  Are you proud of yourself?  Do you like to make children cry too?  How can you sleep at night?

Well none of that matters does it 2009?  I ended this contract and moved on.  Couldn’t have come at a better time.  Of  course I haven’t done my taxes yet but after that, I mean it, WE ARE OVER!

PS – 2010 says that your brother 2008 was way better than you and I have to agree.  I mean come on – YOU KILLED THE KING OF POP!

Good-bye 2009 ~ You were really no more than a one night stand that ended up forwarding your mail to my house without my knowing it.  By the time I realized how bad you were for me it was too late so I was stuck with you until your (much cuter) older brother showed up to haul your ass to the archives where you belonged all along.  I do feel a little bad for you though.  It seems that your younger brother 2008 made off with all your money and that does excuse some of your mistakes but lets face it – you really screwed up when you messed with my Dad.  Don’t let your older brother make the same mistake.  I won’t be this nice next time around.

The first 3 years of those 8 were good times.  I was learning at such a fast pace that my mind was constantly moving and I was thrilled to be where I was.  Those first few years I was able to travel and see things I would have never had the chance to otherwise.  I found out what it meant to network with human beings and I used that to my advantage gaining life long contacts.  These contacts have helped me numerous times over the years and I credit a few of them for saving my ass on more than one occasion.  Fast forward a couple of years and 2 IT directors later, things started fading fast, mainly the budget.  I could have lived with that but then there was a promotion from within the department and that IT director would leave a trail of knowledgeable, well rounded, morally sound co-workers  fighting for their careers and what must have felt like fighting for their lives.  Being on the other side and watching this, no choice but to watch if you wanted to keep your position and your livelihood was the beginning of the end for me.

I understand the need to restructure departments, promote workers for their talent, demote workers when they are over their heads but this is not what I am speaking of.  I am talking about cut-throat, back stabbing, immoral practices for personal advancement.  When you know that your director got to where she is by doing things that most people wouldn’t dream of doing, she did them with a smile on her face.  And for the next few years it got worse.  And I have seen things that I will carry with me as a lesson for the rest of my working days.  Sort of a code that I live by in the workplace.  Things that I stay away from to ensure that I don’t end up with a cold hardened heart that I can only guess that a person would need to carry out such devious plans.  Some would call this normal office politics and if you do then you have not been where I have been and you have not seen the things that I have seen.  Your head would spin right off your shoulders as mine did nearly every day that I was a witness to it.

I have no fear of writing these things on the Internet because that bridge was burning long before I put in my resignation.  I knew that if I didn’t leave, I would be fired and I would be hard pressed to find an IT position ever again.  She would have made certain of it.  So I left before she had the pleasure of ruining my career.  This is the kind of person who loves to go down the discipline plan at a painfully slow rate just so she can witness the pain it causes in the persons life.  She also find pleasure in firing people but that is a quick and easy task for her, she prefers the long and painful road – watch them squirm – that makes her day, week, month or year.  Depending on how long she decides to play with their lives.  It is fun for her.  Probably the only enjoyment that she gets out of the job as far as I can tell.  I never saw any pleasure from her teams successes and there were many.  We were a great team inspite of a bad leader.  We just had to make sure that she looked good and boy did she!  She took all the credit from upper management and we gave credit to each other.  We celebrated our successes quietly amongst our team and that was more than enough to keep our spirits up.  That is as long as she left us alone.  She always had one person in her cross hairs and everyone prayed that it wouldn’t be them, please don’t let me be the one this week, month. or year.  I was a big target for her because I took over her old position when she was promoted.  This is a person who gave me a chance as a college student, mentored me and later she would be the one that almost drove me mad.  Maybe someday I will write in more detail but let’s just say that in her eyes I could never do the job as well as she did.  First of all she wouldn’t allow it.  She always made sure that everyone knew how much better it was when she was manager.  Second of all, the evil in her found great enjoyment in setting me up for failure.  Something she did often and will no mercy what so ever.  She is above the law so to speak and can do or say what she wants.  I got the hell out of dodge before she ruined me but not before I got the lesson and for that I am thankful.  I am thankful to her for showing me what NOT to do.

I can’t tell you how hard it was to leave that company.  Those people were my family no matter if I liked all of them or not.  They were family and it was safe.  I  knew my job inside and out but it was way past time to go.  My next job would prove to be yet another lesson in life.  One of those lessons that you don’t want to learn but God has wheel so just shut up and let him drive.  He has gotten you this far hasn’t he?  My new job was a dream!  I immediately fit in, I was traveling again, meeting new people and learning.  Oh my was I ever learning.  Starting a major conversion and I was new to the team with fresh ideas and life was grand.  My co-workers and I joked about how good we had it and good things don’t last.  We didn’t realize how right we were until almost 2 years later.  For the first time in my entire working life I was being laid off.  They were talking severance pay and unemployment benefits while my mind glazed over.  I couldn’t believe it.  I was so certain that this job, this glorious job was my reward for living in pure hell for 8 years.  That somehow I would turn old and grey and would retire from this little piece of heaven.  It wasn’t in the plan.  No, the plan was severance pay and 10 weeks to look for another job when the economy was at an all time low.  When I say an all time low, I am only speaking personally – things have been much worse for the older generation.  For me this was the worst I had seen it.  The thought of being without work was unfathomable to me.  I had not been without a job since the day I turned 16 and started at Burger King.  How could this be?  Why was this happening?  Those questions were never answered and I guess it doesn’t really matter.

I was shell shocked and so were my co-workers.  For the most part we were all being laid off.  Some were asked to move to St. Louis but that was not an option for me.  There was NO way I was leaving Madi and there was NO way that I was taking her that far away from her Dad.  The subject was not even talked about.  I said no as soon as the question was raised, I didn’t need to think about it.  What I did need to think about was how the hell I was going to pay the mortgage.  I knew I could last about 2 months without a job but I didn’t want to be in a position to stretch my money as far as it would go.  I needed a job and I needed one fast.  Long story short – I spent my remaining days sending out resume after resume.  If I had to guess how many I sent in total, the number reaches close to fifty.  I applied for everything and I was willing to work at McDonalds if I didn’t hear something soon.

I got one single interview out of ALL those applications.  That one interview landed me a job as a Tech Coordinator for one of the top 10 CPA firms.  Great pay, great benefits and a brand new building to move into.  I sit here this morning and I feel fortunate.  I feel like someone is watching out for me.  Things work out for me somehow and I am not always quick to recognize that.  But this morning, on Christmas Eve, I am grateful, I am more than grateful – I feel like I am protected by people that are here with me and those that I cannot see.  I know that God is watching over me – there is no other explanation.  I don’t believe that it is luck.  I am not even sure what luck is, although I use the term a lot.  We say “Your so lucky, were so lucky, she/he has the best luck” but it has to be more than that I believe.  Just when I think things are going to be bad, their going to be rough or I might not make it out of this one unscathed – I am provided with opportunities and I am given choices that will turn things around.  For this I am grateful.  So on this Christmas Eve I sit at my desk to tell all of you that I am not a lucky girl – I am one VERY THANKFUL girl.  Whoever is out there listening, I hope that someone is watching over you, I hope you are surrounded by friends and family that love you.  Those are the two things that have gotten me through the trials this year.  The Lord above and my friends and family who have rallied around me, who have told me that it will be ok.  And it is more than ok.  It is fantastic.  My life is just how it should be!  And I am surrounding myself with people who truly care for my well being.  I wish I had known years ago what I know now.

This last part is for Ryen and Madi.  I can’t think of a better way to spend a day than to spend it with the two of you.  No matter where we are or what we do you both bring so much to my life.  Ryen – you are the kindest person I have ever met.  You love me like no other and I never have to wonder what your intentions are.  The fact that you truly love me and care about me is so very clear to me and everyone around us.  I can’t imagine, nor do I want to, imagine my life without you in it.  This has been a rough year but you have never left my side.  I have never been with someone who is so emotionally connected to what is going on in my life.  We truly went through these rough times TOGETHER, side by side.  I never once felt like I was alone.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Aren’t you glad to know that this coming year will be so much better?  I love you!

Madi – you are and will always be the best thing that ever happened to me.  I thought that as a parent I would be the teacher but you prove me wrong every day by teaching me lesson after lesson.  I know this year has been rough on you too and I would have liked to have kept all the bad things from reaching you but you wouldn’t have it.  You had to be involved – you are too smart for me sometimes.  You knew about the layoff and you prayed for me and encouraged me but most of all you believed in me.  You told me day after day “Mom, I know you are going to get that job and it’s going to be awesome.”  Those are powerful words Madi and they worked wonders for my confidence.  Just hearing you say it made me believe that they were true.  In the end, you were right.  Thank you Madi for being such a great little girl.  I am supposed to be comforting and caring for you – I hope I am doing a good job.  Because sometimes it is hard to tell who is doing the work around here.  I think the best explanation would be that all three of us are doing the work and we seem to be a pretty good team.  Thanks for looking out for me baby girl.  Your the best!

Well you just came down the stairs Madi – your internal clock never lets you down.  You get that from your Dad.  You know it is not a school day so your body says “Let’s rock-n-roll – Get this party started!”  While my body says “Let’s curl up in bed, watch cartoons and nap until at least 10 am”.

Merry Christmas everyone!  I pray that God blesses your family the way he has blessed mine.  PS – No time for proof reading so please forgive the typos and grammar. 

This year has been good to me and I am thankful.  And since it is three days past Thanksgiving I thought it was fitting to write about how thankful I am.  A few years ago I was in a dark place, bad job, depressing to be around and just about as negative as a person can be.  ON A DAILY BASIS!  Yes, I was the girl that people avoided at parties because SHE HAS NOTHING POSITIVE TO SAY!  I was the real life Debbie Downer!  But these days are oh so much better.

Although there is a job situation that I don’t like to speak of, I have a job and for that I am thankful.  It’s a good job, salary speaking, yet that is really all there is to speak about.  It pays the bills and now let’s move on shall we.  See that?  I didn’t complain and go on and on and on about how much I….see?  I think it is meaningless to elaborate.  On to the good stuff!

Madi lost her first tooth!  And she pulled it out herself!  And when I say she lost it?  She really lost it!  Gone.  Can’t find it.  She lost it so good that it might be in an0ther state.  And then I cried.  I am not sure why but this made me cry and I mean REALLY cry.  I am getting choked up about it now so wait while I get a tissue…Sniff!  This is where I take time out to blame Chris and myself at the same time.  That seems fair.  But don’t get me wrong – this is still the good stuff.  This is what life is about.  The sad at the moment but funny in a year or two kind of moment.  Back to the story…

Chris wasn’t supposed to pick Madi up until Monday (11/23) but I got some kind of swine, feline, bovine flu and thought it was not wise to expose Madi right before Thanksgiving.  They were going to be traveling and I didn’t want to expose the entire family to whatever it was that I had.  My fault for getting sick and of course she lost her tooth on Sunday night.  She called to tell me and I was surprised because I didn’t think the tooth was leaving anytime soon.  It was loose but I thought it would hang around for a while longer.  Wrong!  So let’s mark this event right now shall we?  Madi lost her first tooth (lower right front) on Sunday November 22 at approximately 6 pm while eating a grapefruit.

Now let’s talk about Chris…just to be fair.  I begged and pleaded and reminded and pleaded while begging some more “Please don’t lose her tooth!”  And what did he do?  He up and lost her tooth.  So I picked her up tonight, squealed when I saw that little gap where her baby tooth used to be and asked to see the tooth.  I sensed some panic from both of them and I KNEW!  I KNEW THE TOOTH WAS GONE.  I knew it before they started looking.  And then I cried.

I cried because the tooth fairy does not just fly to your house for an IOU.  She needs some proof and the empty spot in your mouth is not proof enough.  I mean what is she supposed to do, pry the sleeping child awake, force her to open her mouth so she can count her teeth?  And how is she supposed to keep track of the teeth?  For all she knows you are just trying to milk another fifty cents from a tooth you lost and collected on 3 weeks ago.  Yes it is silly, I cried.  I am hoping the tooth turns up somewhere.

In other news, Taylor is 18.  An adult.  Hang on while I get another tissue.  This is weird for me and exciting and a little sad.  Bitter sweet.  He is no longer the little Tay-Tay and hasn’t been for a long time.  But to think that college is looming just around the corner makes me want to spend as much time with him as I possibly can.  I have a feeling (just a feeling) that he will be leaving, like REALLY leaving for college.  Maybe a college that is not within driving distance and I am scared.  We have been so close for so long I can’t fathom how this will change my life.  People reading this (not sure there are any people reading this, I just picture imaginary people – and they all look like Morgan Freeman), they may think that statement is strange but I am very involved in Taylor’s life.  I have to schedule my weeks with both Madi and Taylor in mind.  I do this because that is the way it has always been.  This is his last year of high school and that makes it all the more important for me to be there.  I see big things for this kid.  I am already so proud of him for who he is and what he has accomplished.  And yet I know there is so much he is going to do with his life.  He is just that kind of person.  But I know the chances are he will be preparing for that life further away from me than he has ever been.  So instead of being a Debbie Downer, I am going to drive to as many events of his that I can manage, cheer him on and hope that time slows down a little bit along the way.

I am also freaking out about the time because Ryen will be starting college soon too.  He is going back and I am supportive and proud of him.  I know how hard it is, he knows how hard it is and the January start date is getting close.  So I feel that time is moving a bit to quickly and our time together is soon going to be cut in half.  I am not liking that idea one bit but it is only for a short time right?  Right!  January is a good month of us – I met Ryen on a cold January night (the 23rd to be exact) and although it feels like I have known him for so much longer, it has not quite been a year yet.  But that year is getting close – that first anniversary that will be celebrated in a big way!  He has been good to me, to us!  He has been good FOR me and changed me in ways that I am so very grateful for.  I didn’t think it was possible for someone to MAKE you a better person and yet I believe he has.  So this passing of time has been on my mind pretty heavily and I guess I just want to cherish, savor and most of all remember all these wonderful times with all the amazing people in my life.  I have not named them all of course – but I am thankful for each and every day that I have with you!  I am blessed!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

Dear Madison,

Today is your birthday.  In 3 hours and 50 minutes you will have been on this earth for 6 years.  Those years have flown by so quickly I sometimes stop, stare at you and soak it all in.  It may be a moment when you are playing, when you are back talking me or sometimes when you are sleeping soundly in your bed.  I take it all in and you are amazing to me.  It’s amazing that your Dad and I have been able to keep you in one piece for 6 whole years, that alone is a miracle.  You have been a healthy, happy and for the most part, you are a pleasure to have around.  I would be lying if I said there weren’t times when I need to leave the room so that the color in my face will return to it’s normal shade of pale white instead of flaming red after you have pushed that button you sometimes love to push.  You know the button, you know it all to well.  All in all it has been an easy 6 years with you in my life and I honestly don’t know where I would be without you.  I don’t care to imagine such awful things.

Today you are six and tomorrow you start Kindergarten and you have been ready since Spring.  The last day of Preschool you got in the car and said “I am so ready to start Kindergarten, will it be a long time?”.  I tried to explain the wonderful summer ahead of you and your face turned all gloomy and I could see you going to your sad place.  You do that more than I would like but I have accepted this as who you are.  Very sensitive and not one to fake your feelings.  Although this is maddening at times, I am glad that you express your feelings because it is never good to hold things inside.

So now the dreadful summer is over and you couldn’t be happier (unless there were back stage passes to see the Jonas Brothers) that it has come to an end.  We did great things this summer but I have a feeling that all of those memories have been erased from your mind to make room for all the thoughts of school.  This is a big milestone for most children but since you have attended all day preschool for the last 2 years it feels as though you are going into the 2nd grade.  The scary thought that just popped into my mind is I think you would do just fine in 2nd grade.  If they didn’t know your name, age and your face; I could just enroll you now and save your Dad a couple years of tuition.

It may sound as though I am bragging but since this is a letter to you I am allowed to do that.  I am your Mother and I said so, that’s why!  You are smart, incredibly funny and you use words that most 15 year olds don’t know the definition of.  And you use them correctly and it freaks your Mom out.  I can’t count how many phone calls have been made between your Dad and I where the conversation starts with “Hey, are you busy?  I just had to call and tell you what Madi said today”.  These phone calls either make us laugh, make us proud or make us panic at the thought of what you will be like when you are 15.  Will you be smarter than us?  The chances are not in our favor.

Madi, my memories of your life thus far makes everything come together for me.  I no longer question what my purpose in life is or whether all the tough times are worth the trouble.  I just think of you and the answer is always yes.  You give me purpose and you make everything SO worth it.  There are conversations I remember having with your Dad when I was pregnant and I have to laugh at myself.  I had no idea how you would change my life and my perspective.  And you are still doing it everyday.  I swore you would never have a TV in your room and look at what I went and did already.  Your mind is a sponge and I know this because you quote movies in every day conversation and act like no one is going to notice.  And sometimes they don’t and I laugh to myself because I have watched your movies a million times.  And in case I forget this later (ya know people do get old and I am not going to be this young and spry forever) there was a movie that you watched more than any other this year.  Actually two of them – ‘The Christmas Story’ and ‘Annie’ – two movies that you would sometimes watch at Nana Gordon’s after school, again when you got home and you would request that same movie again at bedtime.  You haven’t watched either of those movies for several months now and in fact you informed me that you are getting older.  You say that your taste is changing.  Actually, you say that in reference to a lot of things; food, movies, clothes, toys and people.  It is a little odd that you have to tell me you are growing up because somehow I missed the memo.  I didn’t miss the memo, I am trying my hardest to do the impossible, slow down time.

There is a part of me that is finding great joy in the fact that you are growing, changing and maturing.  There is an even bigger part that longs to go back and experience things all over again because it just didn’t last long enough.  We can’t go back Madi.  This year has been a tough one in many ways and you will read this website when you are older and you will understand.  I wanted to write this in the moment, on your birthday, a very important day, just to tell you one very important thing:  You have changed my life forever and I don’t regret a single minute of the last 6 years with you.  I wouldn’t change a thing.  There were tough times and I wouldn’t change those either.  There was a reason for that tough time, we may not know the exact reason but it’s there.  And changing it might take away all the wonderful times in an instant and that is just too much of a risk to take don’t you think?

So to celebrate the two-thousand-one-hundred and ninety days that you have been on this earth I took the day off from work.  I asked you what you wanted to do on YOUR day and the answer was really easy for you – Build-A-Bear.  So to honor your birthday we are going to go pay some nice person to allow us to stuff cotton in the backside of a lifeless piece of fur and turn it into the newest addition of your furry family.  This animal will join the 20 something animals that already take up space on your very small bed.  He/she will join the new bedtime ritual where I cover your body (except your eyes, nose and mouth) with all your furry friends.  I then kiss you on the tip of your nose and you ask one last time “Mom, are you sure you can’t see my arms, my legs, anything?”.  And sometimes I tickle you just to see 20 animals flying in all directions around your room.

After we stuff the bear/dog/penguin/cat/monkey we will be meeting your Dad for dinner.  This is something we started after the separation and something we plan on doing every year for your birthday.  Dinner with your Mom and Dad.  The two people in your life that love you unconditionally and always will.  I can’t think of a better way to celebrate your life than with the two people who brought you into it.

Happy Birthday baby girl!

Love,

Momma

It’s ironic now that I think about it.  Being a part of social networking in 2009 reminds me of how far we have yet to go.  There are more instances of immaturity, cliques and just plain high school bullshit that exists now than ever before.  As hard as I try to stay away from it, I too am guilty of getting involved in said BS.  The last few weeks are a prime example of such activity.  And while I am not the subject, I have definately been a participant in the discussion.  Often times finding myself trying to debate with people who clearly do not have an IQ level that enables them to be a constructive participant.  But participate they do and there is nothing stopping them.  What am I speaking of, you may ask?  For those of you who are aware of the drama, all I have to say is Dooce and you will say “Ah.  Yes, of course.  That.”

For those of you who don’t know Dooce or her opponents on the web, let me fill you in.  Not everyone likes Dooce, no big surprise there.  She is successful, which puts her in the spotlight and she often writes for the sheer purpose to strike a nerve.  Or so it seems to me.  I have my opionion as do a million others.  You don’t have to agree with what people write but some don’t let it end there.  They feel so much hatred for her that they create sites dedicated to hating her.  Am I the only one that finds this crazy or NUTTY as someone accused me of being?  That’s right.  I was told that I was nutty just because I disagreed with a person’s point of view.  There are a few sites that I will mention, feel free to visit but beware on commenting.  They will more than likely hate you instantly if you disagree or mention that you read Dooce.

There is one site, Renegade Moms, who have a page dedicated to Heather Armstrong.  As if that is not enough, they mention her in nearly every post no matter what the topic may be.  The deny this of course, stating that only a small percent of their posts mention her.  I have been to the site, I include the comments as being part of the post and I have found only 2 or 3 that don’t mention her name in the comments and that is because the post was actually a decent one with only one or two comments.  Go figure.

Another site to mention is PoopOnPeeps.  Nice name, eh?  To save you from the pain of visiting I will give you the run down.  This site mentions Heather Armstrong, her husband Jon and their children in nearly every post.  If they are not mentioned in the post, they will definitely be mentioned time, after time, after time in every other comment on said post.  Although sometimes she runs out of unique (mean) things to say about Dooce and chooses another in her list of  “Blogs that I hate and the people that own them” or is it “The people I hate and the blogs that they own”.  A few on the list are Pioneer Woman, Lucky 13 and Counting, Mighty Girl, Suburban Bliss and the list goes on**.  You can add to that list, all the people that support the people that she hates.  What does this sound like to you?

To me it is pure and simple elementary school bullies at their worst.  Let me quote a few of the comments made on these sites to give you an idea of the issue at hand (by other people who evidently share the same level of hate and also replies made by blog owner*):

Example comments from Renegade Moms and Poop on Peeps (I will keep them random so no one will no for sure which site the comment was posted unless they are mentioned in the comment itself.  Also, I don’t want to put that much effort into spreading more of the hate.  That is not the point of this post, so just hang in there with me for a moment or two.)

Example comment #1:

I just always felt alone in my dislike of Douche before I found this blog. You see so much ass kissing from her rabid fans and other bloggers all wanting a piece of the crazy train glory. And you’re thinking to yourself “Damn she’s nuts and no one sees this?” But I guess a lot people will read anything if they think it’s “in” and if maybe they can get a link on the great and powerful Douche’s blog. Idiots. After finding this site, I was just thankful there’s free thinking people that aren’t Douche drones out there! And it’s fun as hell to snark on the loon! LOL! Ohhh,I must be jealous..LMAO! She’s so fantastically awesome everyone wants to be her!! Blech.

Funny how her fans say they come here once, leave a comment like “HOW DARE YOU JEALOUS PEOPLE ACT LIKE THIS- I AM NEVER COMING BACK!” And you KNOW they’re here everyday! LOL!!

Example #2

Heather Armstrong is a FUGLY individual – both inside and out. My Lord, have you seen her new lesbian haircut? And she has the ego to try and say she looks like Michelle Williams? HAHA! Hysterical. She looks like an albino transvestite with a Dutch-boy haircut.

What is sad is that Heather used to actually have some writing skill. I think, in a lot of ways, she still possesses that skill. The problem is that she has Kate Gosselin syndrome and thinks that the world owes something to her and that she is some sort of celebrity. The truth is – no one really gives a shit – and the ones who do just want to kiss the Great Douche’s ass and get their blog address printed on her site.

I would love to see Douche pooping her panties now that blog owners are required by law to state that they are being paid for promoting products on their site. I don’t believe for one second that half the shit that Douchebag puts on her site is because she just loves it. She is paid for every little morsel of bullshit she puts on that site.

I love your site, Chickenliver, and I love Douche’s monetizing the hate section. Sure, I am giving her a page view – sure, that is loading her already full pockets. But I just love to read all the other like-minded individuals who think she is a total tool.

Example #3

I just don’t understand why Heather acts like she is the only person in the world to ever have had a child. Instead of doing a google search to see if a product exists to keep little legs out of crib slats, she feels the need to snowball into melodrama.

I don’t know what’s sadder, Heather’s exasperation over a common parenting issue, or the fact that her commenters lap it up.

I guess in Dooce land it’s easier to wish a developmental disorder on a healthy child than to actually do 5 minutes of research.

Oh, and Dooce: No pasting this comment to your site.

Example #4

What strikes me as interesting in this whole Monetizing the Hate/Love thing is that the comments/emails published on Monetizing the Hate make me laugh and sound insane and pathetic, but when Iread the stuff on here, I don’t laugh, or think that the people writing it are angry, judgemental assholes…I can’t help but agree with them in their defense of Heather and they condemnation of you “Renegade Moms.”
This is so low, so junior high, so sad. Why don’t you understand how small this makes you look? Do you not have a little voice in the back of your head saying “well, this is a *little* cruel, maybe…”??? I couldn’t live with myself, or sleep through the night, if I knew I had made a website or posted something publicly that tore apart someone else. Tell me, how do you do it?

Example #5

Left Coast Cowboys website – I just happened upon this site tonight while doing a little research for this post.  I want to make sure I have all my information correct because I am certain I will be blasted if anyone from either side of the camp happens upon my site.  The site listed above has at least one entire post dedicated to disliking Dooce.  From what I could gater it is solely because of a bathroom remodel.  WTH?  Seriously?  Yes.

You are probably asking yourself, what is all this about?  Well it started with this post from dooce.  Here is an excerpt:

“And I’m sitting there feeding Marlo, my abdomen wrapped in a bandage SO THAT I DON’T GIVE HER CHICKEN POX, and I’m reading an anonymous comment calling me an asshead, and suddenly I remember that conversation I had with Heather. And I’m like, you know what? I’m going to let that anonymous comment help pay for the therapy that Leta is so desperately going to need once she finds out what awful things I’ve said about her on my website.

Internet, let me introduce you to Monetizing The Hate.

Here I will be posting all the hate mail I get in my inbox and all the hateful anonymous and not-so-anonymous comments left on this website. And let me tell you, it is a hoot! And the money? OH THE MONEY! I am going to roll around naked in all that money! Because that’s what assheads do!”

The first time I read the monetizing the hate site I was amused.  My amusement soon turned to shock and dismay.  Then it became plain depressing when I followed the links from google to some of the sites that contain the above comments.  Those sites are disturbing to say the least.  They are also a good lesson in social class.  They are full of sterotypes, uneducated people, educated but unhappy people, schoolyard bullies and as much as they deny it, jealous people.  So what can be done about Internet bullies?  Is Heathers hate site the answer?***  This discussion will be continued, so until next time…if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all.

*If you see any errors in my copied and pasted content, please email me @ nooneisperfect@neitherareyou.com

**I will edit as I see the list change.  I think it will change often as they run out of nasty things to say about these sites.

***At the time of this writing the Dooce hate site is currently unavailable.  There is a possibility that she took the site down.  Lawsuits?

So I am going back to my roots so to say.  I am hoping that this time it is different.  I love the job that I will be doing but nervous about the stress that I may bring upon myself.  My hope is that my manager is professional.  Period.  That is my biggest worry, going to this new job and ending up with another crazy manager like I had two years ago.

So I have spent the entire night, into the morning trying to get myself prepared for October 1st.  I am surprised by how much I remember and I feel confident that I will be able to do my job.  Hell, I might even impress them with my knowledge.

I am going to focus on NOT stressing and try to focus on what Madi has been telling me for the last month – “Momma, I am so glad that you got the job.  I am so proud of you”.  My 6 year old is proud of me.  How awesome is that?