Me:  Maddie, you look snug as a bug.

Maddie:  No Momma.  I am a blue butterfly with brown spots.

Me:  Really?  I am a blue catepillar with red spots.

Maddie:  (Rolling her eyes…)  No Mom.  Catepillars are green.  (Rolls over and goes to sleep)

So much for trying to play along when I am obviously outwitted by a three-year old.

 

It has been a little challenging raising Maddie in the last few days.  She pushes us to the limit and challenges everything we say and do.  I am okay with this and in fact would encourage her to question things so that she can form her own opinion…WHEN SHE IS AN ADULT!  But a three year old telling me what to do and what is right, that is a little more than challenging, at times it is infuriating.

Last night on the way home Maddie was arguing about what should be considered bad words and what were okay words to say.  Maddie has never really said anything bad, meaning she hasn’t cussed like a sailor inspite of some of the foul language that naturally flows out of my mouth like a raging river.

I wasn’t disagreeing with too much of what she was saying until she ended a sentence with “Duh!”

Me:  Maddie, I don’t like that word and I don’t want you to say it.

Maddie:  Duh is not a bad word.  I say it at school and I don’t even get a time out so I don’t worry about it.

Me:  I don’t like that word, wait, it isn’t EVEN a word and it makes you sound simple.

Maddie:  Simple?  Well I am not going to worry about it.  I will say it at school but I won’t say it to you.

Me:  Well thank you and I wish you wouldn’t say it at school either.  It just doesn’t sound good.

Maddie:  Well I like the word.  I think it sounds good like “Okay and Really and all those other things I say”.

Me:  See?  That word has already made you sound simple.  You can say a lot of other words instead.

Maddie:  Like Duh?  (long pause, big eyes)  I am sorry Mommy, I won’t say that word anymore.  Simple.  Simple.  Simple.

After eating breakfast Maddie had to use the restroom.  As I have documented here in the past, Maddie likes to talk in the bathroom.  Today was no different than any other time in the bathroom except the conversation was a little strange.

Maddie:  (Noticing the baby changing station on the wall) That is where you put babies to change their diapers.  I am not a baby and I don’t wear diapers.

Me:  That’s right.  You are a big girl so you don’t have to wear diapers anymore.

Maddie:  Yeah.  Some babies are weird.

Me:  Babies are not weird.  Why do you say that?

Maddie:  Well, some babies are scary and you don’t want to get to close to them because they are like….scary.

Me:  I have never seen a scary baby and they are not weird.  Now go to the bathroom so we can leave.

Maddie:  Mom, some babies are weird and scary.  They are boy babies and that means they are weird.  And you don’t get too close to them.

Me:  (Thinking I can work this to my advantage)  Well, you don’t have to be scared of babies as long as they are in diapers.  After they are big boys they are a little weird and scary.

Maddie:  Yeah.  Boys are yucky and they smell bad sometimes.

Whew!  Now I just have to keep up the act for another 25 years before she requires therapy to get over her fear of men or becomes a lesbian.

Since that night we have used that word in a million different ways.  It is her word and she is very proud to hear other people say it.  She loves the word and has now created a little game.  The game is very simple:  You say the word – “Hock-a-doe-doe” followed by whatever you see in the room.  Example:  Hock-a-doe-doe Book.  Hock-a-doe-doe Daddy.  Hock-a-doe-doe TV.  Hock-a-doe-doe Chair.

This is a game we play at least once a day and I have to admit it is fun.  So next time you see Maddie, say the word and be prepared to play the game for hours of fun.  It is sure to be the next cool thing so tell all your friends.  Hock-a-doe-doe Bye.

Maddie is most curious when we are riding in the car.  This must be because she is strapped in the car seat, looking at the big wide world and her mind starts reeling.  She questions everything she sees.  She now knows that red means stop and green means go and she is not afraid to tell me when I am doing the wrong thing.  She will scream for me to go because GREEN MEANS GO!

This morning she was quiet until we stopped at an intersection and she saw a dog.  She let me know that there was a dog on the sidewalk and then she asked “Why are dogs naked?”  At first I didn’t understand what she was asking me and then she said “That dog does not have a shirt on.  Why doesn’t he have panties on?  He is cold Mom.  He needs pants.”  I wish that I could get inside her head for one day.  All the things she sees for the first time and all the things she questions.  Where does she come up with this stuff? 

I spent the next ten minutes explaining that dogs have fur and that it keeps them warm.  This led to the question “Why don’t I have fur?”  In which I replied “Because God made dogs with fur and he didn’t give you fur because you wear clothes.”  And then she asked “Where is God?” and I explained that he was in heaven.  She then wanted to know if God wears clothes and honestly I have no idea.  I hope he does but I can’t be sure until I see him.  And this whole conversation started with seeing the dog and left me wondering if God wears clothes. 

Tonight I laid in bed with Maddie waiting for her to fall asleep. I read her several books, turned on the music and turned out the lights. Normally, I kiss Maddie on the forehead over and over until she falls asleep. Sometimes I rub her back or her cheeks until her eyes get heavy. But tonight when I touched her face, she said no Momma. She moved my hand and then began touching my face with her chubby little fingers. She did this until she fell asleep. I didn’t want to leave her bed tonight and thought about just falling asleep with her little hand still on my cheek. But I got out of her bed, looked down at my 2 year old and fought back tears because I think she is growing too fast.