Crazy For Her…

This is an all-in-one post because so much has been going on.  I wanted to post something because it has been so long since I have updated this site.  So here are some new things to get you all caught up on the happenings in our lives:

• There is a new guy in my life (His name is Ryen – more on that later…)
• Madi got a new dog – her name is Chloe Bear and she is a Great Pyrenees
• My Dad is sick and has been in the hospital for 2 weeks
• We cooked our first turkey for Easter
• Taylor went to his first Prom and dressed like a total nerd
• Madi attended her first “Real” concert and got to see Ryen play and also went on stage with him (highlight of her night)

For those of you who know my Dad – He is holding his own and doing better than we could have ever hoped for.  He is getting stronger every day and we are all holding hope that he will make a full recovery.  I have spent the last two weeks second guessing everything I have said or not said to him.  I now know that none of that matters – he is with us now and I am taking every opportunity to tell him all those things, that for over 48 hours, I never thought I would have the chance to say again.

I know that you have all heard this at some point in your life – Don’t take things for granted, tell the people in your life that you love them, spend time with the ones you love – quality time.  We truly do not know how long we have on this earth and the last thing you want is to be standing next to a hospital bed wishing you had said something or done something differently.  It is a hopeless and lonely feeling, one that can be prevented by slowing down and enjoying the friends and family around you.

Check out the Flickr badge on the right for the newest pictures of the family.  Love to you all!

This weekend was a good one. Angie came to visit this weekend and we both needed it so badly. Homemade pot pie, good conversation and a game of Rock Band after having an after dinner drink = A great day! That was Sunday and I can’t think of a better way to end my wonderful weekend.

I would say it has been the most relaxing weekend that I have had in sometime. It always seems that I have a list of a million things to do every weekend and because of that list and the pressure of so many things, nothing on the list gets accomplished.

So last week I had an idea of what I wanted to get done. I thought about how nice it would be to spend some quiet time in the house. Listen to some good music at home, wrap Christmas presents and maybe have some time to clear some of the clutter out of my life. You know, the pair of pants in the closet that I have never liked, the clothes that Madi was too big for LAST year and just the general stuff that multiplies as the weeks pass by. Before you know it they just become permanent fixtures in your life. This time of year is when I really start to notice those things. Mainly because we have a much smaller home and the thought of bringing in a 6 foot Christmas tree is a little daunting.

Things have to be rearranged and to do that you must get rid of something or more like several somethings. So that is what I did this weekend. I started to clear out the unwanted, the don’t have room for it anymore and the why the heck did I buy this – things. It felt good! It felt damn good! That made bringing in the tree so much more exciting. So much more festive than our 3 1/2 foot tree I put up last year. The new tree reminds me of my childhood for some strange reason and last night I sat on the couch, turned off all the lights, turned on the tree and promptly fell asleep on the couch. I did this when I was little and I even remember begging my mom to let me sleep under the tree in a sleeping bag. She said there was no way she was going to let me sleep under a tree. And I thought about this question last night. If Madi asked the same question I would say yes and I would even join her!

Since Madi was visiting family with Chris, I was able to be a little more productive.  I was able to throw some things out, donate some items and just generally have some quiet time. I rearranged the living room to make room for the tree. Put it together (yes I am a very big fan of artificial trees) and plugged in the lights. I couldn’t decorate it without Madi and wouldn’t dare think of it. Okay…I did think of it once or twice because oh my gosh I have Christmas spirit. I am shocked really. I am truly thrilled about the holidays! I can’t wait for Madi to come home tonight and see what I have done with the house. I have the ornaments out and ready to be put on the tree. I have our obnoxious singing Christmas tree on the end table and Christmas candles ready to be lit.

The most amazing thing is I am actually putting lights and decorations outside this year and every year from this point on. I look out my side window while relaxing on my couch and see my neighbors spectacular Christmas display and it makes me smile. It makes me happy when I think about Madi’s reaction to it. She loves it! And now that the furniture is rearranged we can sit on the couch and look at it together without having to stand on each other’s heads.

This Christmas is going to be a good one. And I feel really good about the year to come. My life feels like it is back on track and this place that I am is exactly where I want to be. It is 1:30 in the afternoon and I only have a few hours before I get to see Ms. Madi’s eyes light up when she sees the house! If you are lacking Christmas spirit – hang around her for 10 minutes and just TRY to feel like the Grinch, you can’t do it!

Dear Madi,

Holidays are tough for me and I am certain that they will get harder as the years go on.  I don’t have a lot contact with my own family and it seems that I have lost the connection with your dad’s family except for the occasional email or phone call to check on you.  Don’t get me wrong, I knew in the back of my mind that it would end up this way but I fought it hard and tried to make it different.  But the fact is when you leave your significant other, you are also leaving his family as well.  I didn’t feel this in my heart but I believe this is what they felt and I can’t change those feelings for them.

I have made some great friends, lost some great friends in the divorce.  But maybe they were never really my friends to begin with.  More like friends by default.  And I guess the same could be said of in-laws.  They are only family by default and when the marriage is over the family leaves with the marriage.  I never expected it to be THIS way but it is what it is.  I will always love all of them including your dad.  I will always love and respect him for what he is – Your wonderful, amazing, crazy, loving dad.
I miss you today and I long to be with you tomorrow.  I know you will have a wonderful time at the big 4th of July bash that your dad is having and I only wish I could be there to see it.  I miss things in your life as does your dad but for a Mom I believe it is much different.  I will most likely not have a good weekend, my thoughts will be with you Madi and I am not good at multi-tasking.

I am going to the lake this weekend but my heart will be with you.  I miss you.  I hope you don’t miss me the way I miss you because it hurts my heart and I don’t want that feeling for you.  I can’t wait until Sunday morning when I will be picking you up.  This house is empty without you, silent and empty.  You fill our home with noise, smiles, your constant talking and questions.  But most of all you fill our home with love and I need you with me.

Happy 4th of July Madi – I hope your day is filled with family, friends and most of all LOVE.  I hope you wear a jacket if it is cold, I hope you use bug spray and I hope you are safe.  I wish I could be there to make sure you have all of those things.  Most of all I wish I had you on my lap snuggled in a blanket watching the fireworks.  I will be thinking of you when I look into the sky.  I love you Miss Madikens!
Love,

Momma

Memorial Day

Originally uploaded by CrazyForHer

Madi and I went for a bike ride in Sequiota Park on Memorial Day. It was not a great success. Madi has her little bike with training wheels and she just couldn’t keep it on the narrow bike trail. There were a ton of families out for the day and we were causing all kinds of problems on the trail. The last one being a bike wreck where I had to throw myself in front of Madi’s bike to keep her from riding off into the flowing creek. We both fell to the ground and we both scraped our legs in the exact same spot. We decided that enough was enough so we headed back to the truck, loaded our bikes and headed for the caves. And this is where Madi was attacked by the notorious Momma Bear who had just awoke from a long Winters nap. Hello Summer, we have missed you!

 I went shopping this weekend and spent $75 on baking ingredients for Christmas baskets for a few neighbors.  I already had most of the items that I purchased but how many times do I bake in one year?  Maybe once or not all.  I am trying to be more like my Mom and I have to say it is harder than hell to be anything close to what she is.  The harder I try the more I realize that she does one heck of a job in the Mom area and an even better job being a Nana.  In the realm of baking?  I need to just give it up right now and ship Maddie to my Mom’s for some cooking lessons.

I have fond memories of my Mom baking at Christmas.  And if you walked into her house right now you would see her counter tops are covered in packages of chocolate chips, flour, sugar and other baking materials.  She is more effecient than Santa and all his elves put together.  She can make enough baked goods for all the people on her block in one afternoon and she does it all AT THE SAME TIME!  I can’t make a boxed cake and take a drink of water at the same time because I will overlook an ingredient.

But I did manage to make cookies, pumpkin bread and chocolate fudge.  The entire pan of chocolate fudge went to the trash because I didn’t get the sugar hot enough.  My Mom always said that fudge is one of the hardest things to make and I had to go and try it anyway.  Failure!  So my neighbors will be getting cookies and bread.  I say good enough for my first year.  Next year maybe I will invite Mom over to help or just pay her to do it.

Maddie had alot of fun and I have to admit that I had fun sharing the experience with her.  It will be more fun when she is old enough to help with the cleaning up.