Crazy For Her... » Exercises in Writing http://www.crazyforher.com or is it because of her? Don't worry. We are the fun kind of crazy! Fri, 26 Mar 2010 08:39:06 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 My blog can beat up your blog! http://www.crazyforher.com/2009/10/18/blog-beats-blog/ http://www.crazyforher.com/2009/10/18/blog-beats-blog/#comments Sun, 18 Oct 2009 07:48:18 +0000 CrazyForHer http://www.crazyforher.com/?p=302 The years that I attended college I was unaware of any social networking sites outside the normal dating sites.  Sites like MySpace, Facebook and Twitter were unknown to me.  For this I am thankful as I think of all the time I waste these days updating sites that all my “friends” are members of.  I would have likely flunked out of school while spending countless hours updating my status instead of doing homework.  It has been 12 years since that first day of college and I felt that getting my degree was the last step towards adulthood.

It’s ironic now that I think about it.  Being a part of social networking in 2009 reminds me of how far we have yet to go.  There are more instances of immaturity, cliques and just plain high school bullshit that exists now than ever before.  As hard as I try to stay away from it, I too am guilty of getting involved in said BS.  The last few weeks are a prime example of such activity.  And while I am not the subject, I have definately been a participant in the discussion.  Often times finding myself trying to debate with people who clearly do not have an IQ level that enables them to be a constructive participant.  But participate they do and there is nothing stopping them.  What am I speaking of, you may ask?  For those of you who are aware of the drama, all I have to say is Dooce and you will say “Ah.  Yes, of course.  That.”

For those of you who don’t know Dooce or her opponents on the web, let me fill you in.  Not everyone likes Dooce, no big surprise there.  She is successful, which puts her in the spotlight and she often writes for the sheer purpose to strike a nerve.  Or so it seems to me.  I have my opionion as do a million others.  You don’t have to agree with what people write but some don’t let it end there.  They feel so much hatred for her that they create sites dedicated to hating her.  Am I the only one that finds this crazy or NUTTY as someone accused me of being?  That’s right.  I was told that I was nutty just because I disagreed with a person’s point of view.  There are a few sites that I will mention, feel free to visit but beware on commenting.  They will more than likely hate you instantly if you disagree or mention that you read Dooce.

There is one site, Renegade Moms, who have a page dedicated to Heather Armstrong.  As if that is not enough, they mention her in nearly every post no matter what the topic may be.  The deny this of course, stating that only a small percent of their posts mention her.  I have been to the site, I include the comments as being part of the post and I have found only 2 or 3 that don’t mention her name in the comments and that is because the post was actually a decent one with only one or two comments.  Go figure.

Another site to mention is PoopOnPeeps.  Nice name, eh?  To save you from the pain of visiting I will give you the run down.  This site mentions Heather Armstrong, her husband Jon and their children in nearly every post.  If they are not mentioned in the post, they will definitely be mentioned time, after time, after time in every other comment on said post.  Although sometimes she runs out of unique (mean) things to say about Dooce and chooses another in her list of  “Blogs that I hate and the people that own them” or is it “The people I hate and the blogs that they own”.  A few on the list are Pioneer Woman, Lucky 13 and Counting, Mighty Girl, Suburban Bliss and the list goes on**.  You can add to that list, all the people that support the people that she hates.  What does this sound like to you?

To me it is pure and simple elementary school bullies at their worst.  Let me quote a few of the comments made on these sites to give you an idea of the issue at hand (by other people who evidently share the same level of hate and also replies made by blog owner*):

Example comments from Renegade Moms and Poop on Peeps (I will keep them random so no one will no for sure which site the comment was posted unless they are mentioned in the comment itself.  Also, I don’t want to put that much effort into spreading more of the hate.  That is not the point of this post, so just hang in there with me for a moment or two.)

Example comment #1:

I just always felt alone in my dislike of Douche before I found this blog. You see so much ass kissing from her rabid fans and other bloggers all wanting a piece of the crazy train glory. And you’re thinking to yourself “Damn she’s nuts and no one sees this?” But I guess a lot people will read anything if they think it’s “in” and if maybe they can get a link on the great and powerful Douche’s blog. Idiots. After finding this site, I was just thankful there’s free thinking people that aren’t Douche drones out there! And it’s fun as hell to snark on the loon! LOL! Ohhh,I must be jealous..LMAO! She’s so fantastically awesome everyone wants to be her!! Blech.

Funny how her fans say they come here once, leave a comment like “HOW DARE YOU JEALOUS PEOPLE ACT LIKE THIS- I AM NEVER COMING BACK!” And you KNOW they’re here everyday! LOL!!

Example #2

Heather Armstrong is a FUGLY individual – both inside and out. My Lord, have you seen her new lesbian haircut? And she has the ego to try and say she looks like Michelle Williams? HAHA! Hysterical. She looks like an albino transvestite with a Dutch-boy haircut.

What is sad is that Heather used to actually have some writing skill. I think, in a lot of ways, she still possesses that skill. The problem is that she has Kate Gosselin syndrome and thinks that the world owes something to her and that she is some sort of celebrity. The truth is – no one really gives a shit – and the ones who do just want to kiss the Great Douche’s ass and get their blog address printed on her site.

I would love to see Douche pooping her panties now that blog owners are required by law to state that they are being paid for promoting products on their site. I don’t believe for one second that half the shit that Douchebag puts on her site is because she just loves it. She is paid for every little morsel of bullshit she puts on that site.

I love your site, Chickenliver, and I love Douche’s monetizing the hate section. Sure, I am giving her a page view – sure, that is loading her already full pockets. But I just love to read all the other like-minded individuals who think she is a total tool.

Example #3

I just don’t understand why Heather acts like she is the only person in the world to ever have had a child. Instead of doing a google search to see if a product exists to keep little legs out of crib slats, she feels the need to snowball into melodrama.

I don’t know what’s sadder, Heather’s exasperation over a common parenting issue, or the fact that her commenters lap it up.

I guess in Dooce land it’s easier to wish a developmental disorder on a healthy child than to actually do 5 minutes of research.

Oh, and Dooce: No pasting this comment to your site.

Example #4

What strikes me as interesting in this whole Monetizing the Hate/Love thing is that the comments/emails published on Monetizing the Hate make me laugh and sound insane and pathetic, but when Iread the stuff on here, I don’t laugh, or think that the people writing it are angry, judgemental assholes…I can’t help but agree with them in their defense of Heather and they condemnation of you “Renegade Moms.”
This is so low, so junior high, so sad. Why don’t you understand how small this makes you look? Do you not have a little voice in the back of your head saying “well, this is a *little* cruel, maybe…”??? I couldn’t live with myself, or sleep through the night, if I knew I had made a website or posted something publicly that tore apart someone else. Tell me, how do you do it?

Example #5

Left Coast Cowboys website – I just happened upon this site tonight while doing a little research for this post.  I want to make sure I have all my information correct because I am certain I will be blasted if anyone from either side of the camp happens upon my site.  The site listed above has at least one entire post dedicated to disliking Dooce.  From what I could gater it is solely because of a bathroom remodel.  WTH?  Seriously?  Yes.

You are probably asking yourself, what is all this about?  Well it started with this post from dooce.  Here is an excerpt:

“And I’m sitting there feeding Marlo, my abdomen wrapped in a bandage SO THAT I DON’T GIVE HER CHICKEN POX, and I’m reading an anonymous comment calling me an asshead, and suddenly I remember that conversation I had with Heather. And I’m like, you know what? I’m going to let that anonymous comment help pay for the therapy that Leta is so desperately going to need once she finds out what awful things I’ve said about her on my website.

Internet, let me introduce you to Monetizing The Hate.

Here I will be posting all the hate mail I get in my inbox and all the hateful anonymous and not-so-anonymous comments left on this website. And let me tell you, it is a hoot! And the money? OH THE MONEY! I am going to roll around naked in all that money! Because that’s what assheads do!”

The first time I read the monetizing the hate site I was amused.  My amusement soon turned to shock and dismay.  Then it became plain depressing when I followed the links from google to some of the sites that contain the above comments.  Those sites are disturbing to say the least.  They are also a good lesson in social class.  They are full of sterotypes, uneducated people, educated but unhappy people, schoolyard bullies and as much as they deny it, jealous people.  So what can be done about Internet bullies?  Is Heathers hate site the answer?***  This discussion will be continued, so until next time…if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all.


*If you see any errors in my copied and pasted content, please email me @ nooneisperfect@neitherareyou.com

**I will edit as I see the list change.  I think it will change often as they run out of nasty things to say about these sites.

***At the time of this writing the Dooce hate site is currently unavailable.  There is a possibility that she took the site down.  Lawsuits?

]]> http://www.crazyforher.com/2009/10/18/blog-beats-blog/feed/ 0 Exercise 4: Exploit the Youth. http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/23/exercise-4-exploit-the-youth/ http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/23/exercise-4-exploit-the-youth/#comments Sat, 23 Sep 2006 06:18:30 +0000 CrazyForHer http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/23/exercise-4-exploit-the-youth/

Why be a parent – or cousin, or an aunt, or an uncle – if not to exploit children for blog content?

Early morning conversations 

Chris:  Maddie, why did you wet the bed?  You are not supposed to do that.  You should tell us when you have to go.  You went to the bathroom right before bed last night.  What happened?

Maddie:  Strange days Daddy.  Strange days. 

 

]]> http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/23/exercise-4-exploit-the-youth/feed/ 0 Exercise 3: Give Us Something. http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/23/exercise-3-give-us-something/ http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/23/exercise-3-give-us-something/#comments Sat, 23 Sep 2006 06:09:01 +0000 CrazyForHer http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/23/exercise-3-give-us-something/ Tell your readers about the presents you’ll remember forever.

  • Her tiny hands dipped in paint, gently pressed against the brightly colored construction paper, ten tiny fingers to be a constant reminder of how quickly they grow.  My very first Mother’s Day gift.  I never imagined myself framing a piece of art in the form of construction paper but what is inside that frame is the remembrance of the most precious gift I have ever received.  Sometimes when I pass by it I press my hands against the glass to take me back to that day, if only for a moment, she is tiny in my arms once again.
  • Souvenirs from family and friends from far away places.  They bring me little mementos from their travels; Malaysia, China, Israel, Ireland and Germany. When I look at them I can almost see where they came from, who made them and why they may have chosen that particular item to bring back to me.
  • The popsicle stick picture frame that was tucked in Maddie’s cubby at school.  The picture is of Maddie wearing the tie-dyed t-shirt she made as an art project and she has cheese puff dust on her cheeks.
]]> http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/23/exercise-3-give-us-something/feed/ 0 Exercise 2: Fess Up. http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/22/exercise-2-fess-up/ http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/22/exercise-2-fess-up/#comments Sat, 23 Sep 2006 05:46:58 +0000 CrazyForHer http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/22/exercise-2-fess-up/ To err is human, but to share? Divine. It just occurred to me that this would be a perfect post card to submit to Post Secret but I want to finish this exercise and this is not only a writing exercise but also therapy.  It feels good to fess up.  I have never told a soul that I was the one, until now.


It is hard to type the horrible story that I know is about to unfold, bringing to light a crime that I have kept secret, a crime that happened when I was sweet and so very young.  Oh hell, I knew what I was doing and I knew it was wrong.  But damn those pretty pencils!  And damn that little girl who could afford to buy Hello Kitty pencils with their hot pink erasers.  She wouldn’t share, let alone allow me to touch them.  I asked her if I could look through her pencil box.  I wanted to know if the glittered pencils would release bits of glitter so that I could rub them on my very own standard #2, you know, to spruce it up a little.   The answer?  “No, I don’t want you to touch them.”
It was the distaste in her voice that pushed me over the edge that day.  You had a whole pencil box stocked full of breathtaking pencils you should have shared with the world.  Hell, my pencils didn’t merit a pencil box; I had a pencil bag with a broken zipper.  But you didn’t let me touch them and in my ten-year-old green-envy, that meant you would pay for your act of withholding.  The act of withholding pencils that had yet to be sharpened.  They were too pretty to be sharpened.
Later that week the teacher asked if someone would like to stay after school and help with special projects.  I was volunteered not knowing that this was to be the beginning of the perfect crime.  While cutting out borders for the bulletin board my eyes were drawn to your pencil box with Lisa Frank stickers decorating the sides.  You always had pretty stickers as well but one thing I had up on you was a steady supply of glue.  My Mom made sure we had several bottles every school year.  Thank goodness for that because it took an entire bottle of Elmers glue to fill that pencil box.  It was a Friday, the weekend provided the ample drying time.    

 

]]> http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/22/exercise-2-fess-up/feed/ 0 Exercise 1: Reign Supreme. http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/22/exercise-1-reign-supreme/ http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/22/exercise-1-reign-supreme/#comments Sat, 23 Sep 2006 05:38:22 +0000 CrazyForHer http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/22/exercise-1-reign-supreme/ If I ruled the world, things would be better, at least in a few small ways.

There is no acceptable reason why women should don underwear beneath their pantyhose.  They are both clearly designed to be the lone undergarment. The decision should be made prior to dressing as to which one you will need based on the outfit you plan on wearing.  The pantyhose makers of America (or the sweat shops of third world countries) design the garment complete with cotton liners in the appropriate position.  Your daily underwear provides the same.  So why wear both?  You are only creating unneeded panty lines under that sexy black dress and no one wants to see the very unsightly lines that this combination creates.  So choose one or the other but never both. I truly believe that a particular embarrassing scene could be avoided, you know the one I am talking about, women exiting the bathroom and unbeknownst to them the back of the dress is tucked into the pantyhose exposing their derrière. I blame this on the dual undergarment.  This is how it happens:  You are doing your business in the stall and there is a long line of women waiting for their turn.  In a scuttle, you pull up your underpants and all is well.  But then comes the task of pulling the pantyhose into place and ladies, this is where things go terribly wrong.  The underwear you currently have in place has given you the false sense of coverage and you are unaware in your haste to get out of the stall that you have not only pulled your pantyhose in place but have inadvertently placed the back of the no longer sexy dress in between the two undergarments. 

In my perfect world where I spare all women from unneeded embarrassment this would never happen.  There would be a hidden security device in your panties that would warn you by way of sexy male voice that one garment is enough, thank you very much, please choose between the two.  Maybe this safety gadget could serve other purposes as well because I am sure there are women who are unwaveringly against wearing nylons.  I will use this in another writing exercise, on another day.

Note:  If your vagina requires more than one standard cotton barricade, you should seek the advice of a trusted friend or licensed professional.
 

 

]]> http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/22/exercise-1-reign-supreme/feed/ 0 No One Cares Why I Want to Be a Writer http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/22/no-one-cares-why-i-want-to-be-a-writer/ http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/22/no-one-cares-why-i-want-to-be-a-writer/#comments Sat, 23 Sep 2006 05:34:12 +0000 CrazyForHer http://www.crazyforher.com/2006/09/22/no-one-cares-why-i-want-to-be-a-writer/ Or what I had for lunch.  After reading the entire book “No One Cares What You Had for Lunch” By Maggie Mason, I decided that this would be a cheaper alternative to the writing class I so dearly wanted to take.  I had the $20 for the book but when I checked on tuition for a writing class, I was not brave enough to mention the idea to Chris because I knew at some point he would say, “I support you 100%, I think it is a great idea.  By the way, how much are we talking about?”  Since I am still paying for that student loan I just can’t justify the cost in our current financial situation.  I have to give credit to Chris before I go any further because he would support me no matter what the cost.  He would encourage me and cheer me on but I can’t put more unneeded stress on family to follow my silly dream.  At least not right now.  In place of the formal writing class, which would certainly include a ton of homework, I have decided to use the book as my writing class.  I will write 100 posts over the next year or less using each of Maggie’s suggestions as a writing lesson. 

There are certain topics in the book that I would not normally write about but I can only imagine the assignments I would receive in a formal writing class.  So this book (loving the book helped make this decision) is a much better way for me to hone my writing skills.  I have ideas for my future, which include qualifications such as “Prior publication required, writing skills a must, impeccable grammar” and this is a safe place for me to try it out.  A place where it won’t be held against me when I say things like gonna, gotta, or WTF.  The Internet will understand when a boss would just quietly walk me out the door or worse, send me a perfectly written letter explaining that I am incapable of forming complete sentences therefore I am incapable of working for them.  And let us not mention my continuous misuse of commas and explanation points.  Thank you very much.

I will continue to write this blog for Maddie and will eventually move my “exercises” to a separate blog at the same address.  I will let all of you know so you can check them out and please, please, please comment.  Be honest.  Did you hate the stories, did I misspell something or was it as wonderful as you had hoped it would be?  I am 31 so I think I can take it.  If I misuse a word or misplace a comma it would be much appreciated if you would let me know.  There are only 2 or 3 of you reading this and you all have college degrees.  Help a girl out!So please be prepared for strange titles as I will be using each idea from the book as a title with a small explanation of Maggie’s suggestion.  I am apologizing up-front if I drop the F bomb or and occasional ‘bastard’ because I use these words internally so you may see a little change in language as I write my thoughts.  If this offends you let me know and I will be sure to put them in bold so you can clearly see when they are coming.Note:  Maggie, if you stumble upon this site (highly unlikely), I hope you are ok with what I am doing.  If not, please comment and I will stop immediately.

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