But one thing we have to do tomorrow (unless she is running a fever) is get glasses.  Both of us – Me and Madi.  I know I need glasses and I haven’t even had my eyes checked yet.  I am getting old indeed.  My eyesight is causing horrible headaches that make me pray for permanent darkness to make the pain go away.  I am hoping the glasses help.  Ryen is REALLY hoping the glasses help.  I know he is just as sick of them as I am.  He is patient but he hates seeing me in pain and I hate ruining everyone’s day/night/weekend.  Madi needs glasses to read.  I knew this last year when I had her eyes checked but the Optometrist suggested I wait another year before spending the money on lenses because he knew her eyesight would change (get worse?) and he didn’t want me to spend the money and have to return in 6 months for new lenses.  So we are getting glasses.  The three of us will be wearing glasses.  A family of four eyes!  Yippppeee! 

And because Madi’s fever required lots of attention, I am sort of spent.  So I am ending this post with a simple YIPPPEEE~!  SUBWAY SANDWICHES are here!  I am hungry, so let’s eat.  Sorry, I didn’t get enough for the internet but YUM – It smells so good.  It’s the little things people!  I hope your weekend is filled with sunshine and regular bodily temperatures.

It’s ironic now that I think about it.  Being a part of social networking in 2009 reminds me of how far we have yet to go.  There are more instances of immaturity, cliques and just plain high school bullshit that exists now than ever before.  As hard as I try to stay away from it, I too am guilty of getting involved in said BS.  The last few weeks are a prime example of such activity.  And while I am not the subject, I have definately been a participant in the discussion.  Often times finding myself trying to debate with people who clearly do not have an IQ level that enables them to be a constructive participant.  But participate they do and there is nothing stopping them.  What am I speaking of, you may ask?  For those of you who are aware of the drama, all I have to say is Dooce and you will say “Ah.  Yes, of course.  That.”

For those of you who don’t know Dooce or her opponents on the web, let me fill you in.  Not everyone likes Dooce, no big surprise there.  She is successful, which puts her in the spotlight and she often writes for the sheer purpose to strike a nerve.  Or so it seems to me.  I have my opionion as do a million others.  You don’t have to agree with what people write but some don’t let it end there.  They feel so much hatred for her that they create sites dedicated to hating her.  Am I the only one that finds this crazy or NUTTY as someone accused me of being?  That’s right.  I was told that I was nutty just because I disagreed with a person’s point of view.  There are a few sites that I will mention, feel free to visit but beware on commenting.  They will more than likely hate you instantly if you disagree or mention that you read Dooce.

There is one site, Renegade Moms, who have a page dedicated to Heather Armstrong.  As if that is not enough, they mention her in nearly every post no matter what the topic may be.  The deny this of course, stating that only a small percent of their posts mention her.  I have been to the site, I include the comments as being part of the post and I have found only 2 or 3 that don’t mention her name in the comments and that is because the post was actually a decent one with only one or two comments.  Go figure.

Another site to mention is PoopOnPeeps.  Nice name, eh?  To save you from the pain of visiting I will give you the run down.  This site mentions Heather Armstrong, her husband Jon and their children in nearly every post.  If they are not mentioned in the post, they will definitely be mentioned time, after time, after time in every other comment on said post.  Although sometimes she runs out of unique (mean) things to say about Dooce and chooses another in her list of  “Blogs that I hate and the people that own them” or is it “The people I hate and the blogs that they own”.  A few on the list are Pioneer Woman, Lucky 13 and Counting, Mighty Girl, Suburban Bliss and the list goes on**.  You can add to that list, all the people that support the people that she hates.  What does this sound like to you?

To me it is pure and simple elementary school bullies at their worst.  Let me quote a few of the comments made on these sites to give you an idea of the issue at hand (by other people who evidently share the same level of hate and also replies made by blog owner*):

Example comments from Renegade Moms and Poop on Peeps (I will keep them random so no one will no for sure which site the comment was posted unless they are mentioned in the comment itself.  Also, I don’t want to put that much effort into spreading more of the hate.  That is not the point of this post, so just hang in there with me for a moment or two.)

Example comment #1:

I just always felt alone in my dislike of Douche before I found this blog. You see so much ass kissing from her rabid fans and other bloggers all wanting a piece of the crazy train glory. And you’re thinking to yourself “Damn she’s nuts and no one sees this?” But I guess a lot people will read anything if they think it’s “in” and if maybe they can get a link on the great and powerful Douche’s blog. Idiots. After finding this site, I was just thankful there’s free thinking people that aren’t Douche drones out there! And it’s fun as hell to snark on the loon! LOL! Ohhh,I must be jealous..LMAO! She’s so fantastically awesome everyone wants to be her!! Blech.

Funny how her fans say they come here once, leave a comment like “HOW DARE YOU JEALOUS PEOPLE ACT LIKE THIS- I AM NEVER COMING BACK!” And you KNOW they’re here everyday! LOL!!

Example #2

Heather Armstrong is a FUGLY individual – both inside and out. My Lord, have you seen her new lesbian haircut? And she has the ego to try and say she looks like Michelle Williams? HAHA! Hysterical. She looks like an albino transvestite with a Dutch-boy haircut.

What is sad is that Heather used to actually have some writing skill. I think, in a lot of ways, she still possesses that skill. The problem is that she has Kate Gosselin syndrome and thinks that the world owes something to her and that she is some sort of celebrity. The truth is – no one really gives a shit – and the ones who do just want to kiss the Great Douche’s ass and get their blog address printed on her site.

I would love to see Douche pooping her panties now that blog owners are required by law to state that they are being paid for promoting products on their site. I don’t believe for one second that half the shit that Douchebag puts on her site is because she just loves it. She is paid for every little morsel of bullshit she puts on that site.

I love your site, Chickenliver, and I love Douche’s monetizing the hate section. Sure, I am giving her a page view – sure, that is loading her already full pockets. But I just love to read all the other like-minded individuals who think she is a total tool.

Example #3

I just don’t understand why Heather acts like she is the only person in the world to ever have had a child. Instead of doing a google search to see if a product exists to keep little legs out of crib slats, she feels the need to snowball into melodrama.

I don’t know what’s sadder, Heather’s exasperation over a common parenting issue, or the fact that her commenters lap it up.

I guess in Dooce land it’s easier to wish a developmental disorder on a healthy child than to actually do 5 minutes of research.

Oh, and Dooce: No pasting this comment to your site.

Example #4

What strikes me as interesting in this whole Monetizing the Hate/Love thing is that the comments/emails published on Monetizing the Hate make me laugh and sound insane and pathetic, but when Iread the stuff on here, I don’t laugh, or think that the people writing it are angry, judgemental assholes…I can’t help but agree with them in their defense of Heather and they condemnation of you “Renegade Moms.”
This is so low, so junior high, so sad. Why don’t you understand how small this makes you look? Do you not have a little voice in the back of your head saying “well, this is a *little* cruel, maybe…”??? I couldn’t live with myself, or sleep through the night, if I knew I had made a website or posted something publicly that tore apart someone else. Tell me, how do you do it?

Example #5

Left Coast Cowboys website – I just happened upon this site tonight while doing a little research for this post.  I want to make sure I have all my information correct because I am certain I will be blasted if anyone from either side of the camp happens upon my site.  The site listed above has at least one entire post dedicated to disliking Dooce.  From what I could gater it is solely because of a bathroom remodel.  WTH?  Seriously?  Yes.

You are probably asking yourself, what is all this about?  Well it started with this post from dooce.  Here is an excerpt:

“And I’m sitting there feeding Marlo, my abdomen wrapped in a bandage SO THAT I DON’T GIVE HER CHICKEN POX, and I’m reading an anonymous comment calling me an asshead, and suddenly I remember that conversation I had with Heather. And I’m like, you know what? I’m going to let that anonymous comment help pay for the therapy that Leta is so desperately going to need once she finds out what awful things I’ve said about her on my website.

Internet, let me introduce you to Monetizing The Hate.

Here I will be posting all the hate mail I get in my inbox and all the hateful anonymous and not-so-anonymous comments left on this website. And let me tell you, it is a hoot! And the money? OH THE MONEY! I am going to roll around naked in all that money! Because that’s what assheads do!”

The first time I read the monetizing the hate site I was amused.  My amusement soon turned to shock and dismay.  Then it became plain depressing when I followed the links from google to some of the sites that contain the above comments.  Those sites are disturbing to say the least.  They are also a good lesson in social class.  They are full of sterotypes, uneducated people, educated but unhappy people, schoolyard bullies and as much as they deny it, jealous people.  So what can be done about Internet bullies?  Is Heathers hate site the answer?***  This discussion will be continued, so until next time…if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all.

*If you see any errors in my copied and pasted content, please email me @ nooneisperfect@neitherareyou.com

**I will edit as I see the list change.  I think it will change often as they run out of nasty things to say about these sites.

***At the time of this writing the Dooce hate site is currently unavailable.  There is a possibility that she took the site down.  Lawsuits?

So I am going back to my roots so to say.  I am hoping that this time it is different.  I love the job that I will be doing but nervous about the stress that I may bring upon myself.  My hope is that my manager is professional.  Period.  That is my biggest worry, going to this new job and ending up with another crazy manager like I had two years ago.

So I have spent the entire night, into the morning trying to get myself prepared for October 1st.  I am surprised by how much I remember and I feel confident that I will be able to do my job.  Hell, I might even impress them with my knowledge.

I am going to focus on NOT stressing and try to focus on what Madi has been telling me for the last month – “Momma, I am so glad that you got the job.  I am so proud of you”.  My 6 year old is proud of me.  How awesome is that?

• Madi and Jersey asleep on my bed.
• My first time water skiing
• Dwayne playing gospel music on the 4th of July.
• Marty and the giant caterpillar who ate my ornamental pepper plant.
• Madi and I sliding at Jump Mania.
• Madi and Destini sliding into the swimming pool in the backyard.
• Madi and Jordan playing a silly game before church.
• A beautiful catholic church in Defiance.
• Angie sitting in the restaurant with squirrels hanging over her head.
• Susan N. dancing her heart out on an empty dance floor in St. Louis.
• A series of Madi doing the hand motions to two of her favorite songs.

The last one is something I have wanted to do for quite some time.  One of my favorite pictures of Madi is a series that Taisia took when Madi was two.  She had a hat pulled down over her eyes and I think Taisia was singing a song while Madi danced.  She snapped a series of shots and I adore them.  More than any video, those pictures capture who Madi was at that point in time.  I look at those pictures and I remember, really remember what she was like.  Video is something I have never committed to.  I have a few videos of Madi but nothing that really stands out in my mind.  But the pictures that I have are priceless to me.

I look at the list above and I am glad I have no video.  Each item on the list is a memory that I want to keep fresh in my mind.  I don’t need a video to watch to remind me of these things, not yet anyway.  I am glad that I started writing again.  I feel like the last year is a giant fog and I am finally breaking through it.  Not all was bad but it was a rough year and I am healing.  This website makes that a little easier for me and the pictures remind me that good things have happened in the last year.  Although it seemed like it was the hardest year, there are permanent reminders that some great times were had, friends were made and things are going to be alright.

Go buy their latest CD because the way I see it, no matter what you think of the Dixie Chicks,  they were treated unfairly and should be repaid for the injustice that some U.S. citizens have handed down to them.  Then maybe they will be ready to make nice.

Forgive, sounds good.  Forget, I’m not sure I could.  They say time heals everything – But I’m still waiting – I’m through with doubt – There’s nothing left for me to figure out – I’ve paid the price – And I’ll keep paying – I’m not ready to make nice – I’m not ready to back down – I’m still mad as hell and – I don’t have time to go round and round and round – It’s too late to make it right – I probably wouldn’t if I could – ‘Cause I’m mad as hell – Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should – I know you said – Can’t you just get over it – It turned my whole world around – And I kind of like it – I made my bed and I sleep like a baby  – With no regrets and I don’t mind saying – It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her – daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger – And how in the world can the words that I said – Send somebody so over the edge – That they’d write me a letter – Saying that I better shut up and sing – or my life will be over – I’m not ready to make nice- I’m not ready to back down – I’m still mad as hell and – I don’t have time to go round and round and round – It’s too late to make it right – I probably wouldn’t if I could – ‘Cause I’m mad as hell – Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should – Forgive sounds good – Forget, I’m not sure I could – They say time heals everything- But I’m still waiting

Tonight as I watched Maddie play with the neighbor kids I wondered if we were making the right decision.  It’s clear to me that we need to move away from here.  I don’t feel safe and I am certain that this is not the place to raise children.  I question the decision to move to the country, away from everyone.  Will Maddie make friends?  How will I get to know the neighbors when they are so far away.  I am looking forward to the serenity and the privacy.  Will Maddie feel the same way? 

 

We are now searching for reasonable miniature donkeys and it seems that they do not exist.  I visited a website today and the cheapest mini they had was $1500.  GULP!  Does anyone know of any cheap donkeys for sell?  We don’t want to breed them, we only want to pet them! 

I won’t go into to much detail about what is going on right now because I don’t want to jinx any of the good things that are happening.  But we will soon be leaving this neighborhood and when we do I will be writing about all the horrible things we have experienced these last few weeks.  I think that is the main reason that I haven’t written in a while.  As all mothers say “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.”  This is me saying nothing…

The day we found this house is a vivid memory for me.  I remember the previous owners, their furniture and the weird way they positioned their beds at an angle in the corners.  They were having an open house, it was a Saturday and we were driving around looking for garage sales.  We saw the Open House sign and decided to drive by.  As we parked in front of the house we looked at eachother and we knew.  We knew immediately that this was the house.  We told everyone that we would live in this house forever and now we are moving. 

Friends and family have asked me if I will miss the house.  I initially said no but as I am packing things away I am struck by random memories that have taken place here.  Chris and I lived here before we were married.  This is the home where we really got to know eachother.  We have taken pride in this home and we have taken care of it.  And up until a year ago, this house has taken care of us and our new baby.  This is where we brought Maddie home and I remember all the firsts in her life and they took place right here in this house.  Her first steps in the dining room, her first fall out of the bed upstairs, the first night I nursed her in the rocking chair upstairs. 

I will always have those good memories to take with me and I don’t want to store any bad memories by staying.  This is a good thing, the best thing for our family.  I just pray that we can sell the house at a fair price and find a place that we will never want to leave.  I want to find that place, I want to look at Chris and know that it is the one that we will grow old in.  I want Maddie to have a home that she will cherish as she gets older.  A home with fond memories of her childhood and hopefully a place she never wants to leave.

Right now the porch is drying after Chris used the pressure washer on the siding, floor, railings and the steps.  I am hoping that it will be dry by morning.  We plan on painting tomorrow if the weather cooperates. 

After the porch is finished we will start cleaning out closets and rooms to prepare for a garage sale to rid ourselves of ten years of collecting junk.  I am also renting a storage unit to pack things that we don’t use on a daily basis.  Then I will hire a cleaning lady to make our house look presentable and the next step is hire a realtor.  It couldn’t happen soon enough and I am beginning to feel a little desperate about our situation.

I have written about our issues with the neighborhood before and I am working on a post that goes into more detail about the things we have experienced.  I never know what to expect when I am home.  On rare occasions the neighborhood is peaceful but more often than not it is the poster child for dysfunction.  I am concerned for my neighbors and their children.  I often wonder what paths these children will take to reach adulthood.  It doesn’t look good for most of them and that makes me sad.

I think we are doing the best thing for our family.  When I was a child our neighborhood was full of wonderful families and friends.  Everyone knew eachother and watched our for all the children.  I think it is important for Maddie to have that and we are not finding it in our current location.  Tonight while Chris was cleaning the porch, Maddie surprised me by saying “Mom, can we get a new home now?  I don’t like this one.”  I asked her what she didn’t like about it and she shrugged her shoulders and said “I want the new home with aminals.  I want a cat and a bunny and a horse.”  She understands a lot more than we give her credit for.  She has heard so many conversations concerning our fears and also our dream of having a home in the country.  She may not understand the reason we want to move, she just wants the animals.  I can’t wait to find our new home and we are definately getting a bunny!