Crazy For Her…

(Disclaimer:  I wrote this on August 19th, 2009 but forgot to hit the publish button.  Oops…..)

Dear Madison,

Today is your birthday.  In 3 hours and 50 minutes you will have been on this earth for 6 years.  Those years have flown by so quickly I sometimes stop, stare at you and soak it all in.  It may be a moment when you are playing, when you are back talking me or sometimes when you are sleeping soundly in your bed.  I take it all in and you are amazing to me.  It’s amazing that your Dad and I have been able to keep you in one piece for 6 whole years, that alone is a miracle.  You have been a healthy, happy and for the most part, you are a pleasure to have around.  I would be lying if I said there weren’t times when I need to leave the room so that the color in my face will return to it’s normal shade of pale white instead of flaming red after you have pushed that button you sometimes love to push.  You know the button, you know it all to well.  All in all it has been an easy 6 years with you in my life and I honestly don’t know where I would be without you.  I don’t care to imagine such awful things.

Today you are six and tomorrow you start Kindergarten and you have been ready since Spring.  The last day of Preschool you got in the car and said “I am so ready to start Kindergarten, will it be a long time?”.  I tried to explain the wonderful summer ahead of you and your face turned all gloomy and I could see you going to your sad place.  You do that more than I would like but I have accepted this as who you are.  Very sensitive and not one to fake your feelings.  Although this is maddening at times, I am glad that you express your feelings because it is never good to hold things inside.

So now the dreadful summer is over and you couldn’t be happier (unless there were back stage passes to see the Jonas Brothers) that it has come to an end.  We did great things this summer but I have a feeling that all of those memories have been erased from your mind to make room for all the thoughts of school.  This is a big milestone for most children but since you have attended all day preschool for the last 2 years it feels as though you are going into the 2nd grade.  The scary thought that just popped into my mind is I think you would do just fine in 2nd grade.  If they didn’t know your name, age and your face; I could just enroll you now and save your Dad a couple years of tuition.

It may sound as though I am bragging but since this is a letter to you I am allowed to do that.  I am your Mother and I said so, that’s why!  You are smart, incredibly funny and you use words that most 15 year olds don’t know the definition of.  And you use them correctly and it freaks your Mom out.  I can’t count how many phone calls have been made between your Dad and I where the conversation starts with “Hey, are you busy?  I just had to call and tell you what Madi said today”.  These phone calls either make us laugh, make us proud or make us panic at the thought of what you will be like when you are 15.  Will you be smarter than us?  The chances are not in our favor.

Madi, my memories of your life thus far makes everything come together for me.  I no longer question what my purpose in life is or whether all the tough times are worth the trouble.  I just think of you and the answer is always yes.  You give me purpose and you make everything SO worth it.  There are conversations I remember having with your Dad when I was pregnant and I have to laugh at myself.  I had no idea how you would change my life and my perspective.  And you are still doing it everyday.  I swore you would never have a TV in your room and look at what I went and did already.  Your mind is a sponge and I know this because you quote movies in every day conversation and act like no one is going to notice.  And sometimes they don’t and I laugh to myself because I have watched your movies a million times.  And in case I forget this later (ya know people do get old and I am not going to be this young and spry forever) there was a movie that you watched more than any other this year.  Actually two of them – ‘The Christmas Story’ and ‘Annie’ – two movies that you would sometimes watch at Nana Gordon’s after school, again when you got home and you would request that same movie again at bedtime.  You haven’t watched either of those movies for several months now and in fact you informed me that you are getting older.  You say that your taste is changing.  Actually, you say that in reference to a lot of things; food, movies, clothes, toys and people.  It is a little odd that you have to tell me you are growing up because somehow I missed the memo.  I didn’t miss the memo, I am trying my hardest to do the impossible, slow down time.

There is a part of me that is finding great joy in the fact that you are growing, changing and maturing.  There is an even bigger part that longs to go back and experience things all over again because it just didn’t last long enough.  We can’t go back Madi.  This year has been a tough one in many ways and you will read this website when you are older and you will understand.  I wanted to write this in the moment, on your birthday, a very important day, just to tell you one very important thing:  You have changed my life forever and I don’t regret a single minute of the last 6 years with you.  I wouldn’t change a thing.  There were tough times and I wouldn’t change those either.  There was a reason for that tough time, we may not know the exact reason but it’s there.  And changing it might take away all the wonderful times in an instant and that is just too much of a risk to take don’t you think?

So to celebrate the two-thousand-one-hundred and ninety days that you have been on this earth I took the day off from work.  I asked you what you wanted to do on YOUR day and the answer was really easy for you – Build-A-Bear.  So to honor your birthday we are going to go pay some nice person to allow us to stuff cotton in the backside of a lifeless piece of fur and turn it into the newest addition of your furry family.  This animal will join the 20 something animals that already take up space on your very small bed.  He/she will join the new bedtime ritual where I cover your body (except your eyes, nose and mouth) with all your furry friends.  I then kiss you on the tip of your nose and you ask one last time “Mom, are you sure you can’t see my arms, my legs, anything?”.  And sometimes I tickle you just to see 20 animals flying in all directions around your room.

After we stuff the bear/dog/penguin/cat/monkey we will be meeting your Dad for dinner.  This is something we started after the separation and something we plan on doing every year for your birthday.  Dinner with your Mom and Dad.  The two people in your life that love you unconditionally and always will.  I can’t think of a better way to celebrate your life than with the two people who brought you into it.

Happy Birthday baby girl!

Love,

Momma

The years that I attended college I was unaware of any social networking sites outside the normal dating sites.  Sites like MySpace, Facebook and Twitter were unknown to me.  For this I am thankful as I think of all the time I waste these days updating sites that all my “friends” are members of.  I would have likely flunked out of school while spending countless hours updating my status instead of doing homework.  It has been 12 years since that first day of college and I felt that getting my degree was the last step towards adulthood.

It’s ironic now that I think about it.  Being a part of social networking in 2009 reminds me of how far we have yet to go.  There are more instances of immaturity, cliques and just plain high school bullshit that exists now than ever before.  As hard as I try to stay away from it, I too am guilty of getting involved in said BS.  The last few weeks are a prime example of such activity.  And while I am not the subject, I have definately been a participant in the discussion.  Often times finding myself trying to debate with people who clearly do not have an IQ level that enables them to be a constructive participant.  But participate they do and there is nothing stopping them.  What am I speaking of, you may ask?  For those of you who are aware of the drama, all I have to say is Dooce and you will say “Ah.  Yes, of course.  That.”

For those of you who don’t know Dooce or her opponents on the web, let me fill you in.  Not everyone likes Dooce, no big surprise there.  She is successful, which puts her in the spotlight and she often writes for the sheer purpose to strike a nerve.  Or so it seems to me.  I have my opionion as do a million others.  You don’t have to agree with what people write but some don’t let it end there.  They feel so much hatred for her that they create sites dedicated to hating her.  Am I the only one that finds this crazy or NUTTY as someone accused me of being?  That’s right.  I was told that I was nutty just because I disagreed with a person’s point of view.  There are a few sites that I will mention, feel free to visit but beware on commenting.  They will more than likely hate you instantly if you disagree or mention that you read Dooce.

There is one site, Renegade Moms, who have a page dedicated to Heather Armstrong.  As if that is not enough, they mention her in nearly every post no matter what the topic may be.  The deny this of course, stating that only a small percent of their posts mention her.  I have been to the site, I include the comments as being part of the post and I have found only 2 or 3 that don’t mention her name in the comments and that is because the post was actually a decent one with only one or two comments.  Go figure.

Another site to mention is PoopOnPeeps.  Nice name, eh?  To save you from the pain of visiting I will give you the run down.  This site mentions Heather Armstrong, her husband Jon and their children in nearly every post.  If they are not mentioned in the post, they will definitely be mentioned time, after time, after time in every other comment on said post.  Although sometimes she runs out of unique (mean) things to say about Dooce and chooses another in her list of  “Blogs that I hate and the people that own them” or is it “The people I hate and the blogs that they own”.  A few on the list are Pioneer Woman, Lucky 13 and Counting, Mighty Girl, Suburban Bliss and the list goes on**.  You can add to that list, all the people that support the people that she hates.  What does this sound like to you?

To me it is pure and simple elementary school bullies at their worst.  Let me quote a few of the comments made on these sites to give you an idea of the issue at hand (by other people who evidently share the same level of hate and also replies made by blog owner*):

Example comments from Renegade Moms and Poop on Peeps (I will keep them random so no one will no for sure which site the comment was posted unless they are mentioned in the comment itself.  Also, I don’t want to put that much effort into spreading more of the hate.  That is not the point of this post, so just hang in there with me for a moment or two.)

Example comment #1:

I just always felt alone in my dislike of Douche before I found this blog. You see so much ass kissing from her rabid fans and other bloggers all wanting a piece of the crazy train glory. And you’re thinking to yourself “Damn she’s nuts and no one sees this?” But I guess a lot people will read anything if they think it’s “in” and if maybe they can get a link on the great and powerful Douche’s blog. Idiots. After finding this site, I was just thankful there’s free thinking people that aren’t Douche drones out there! And it’s fun as hell to snark on the loon! LOL! Ohhh,I must be jealous..LMAO! She’s so fantastically awesome everyone wants to be her!! Blech.

Funny how her fans say they come here once, leave a comment like “HOW DARE YOU JEALOUS PEOPLE ACT LIKE THIS- I AM NEVER COMING BACK!” And you KNOW they’re here everyday! LOL!!

Example #2

Heather Armstrong is a FUGLY individual – both inside and out. My Lord, have you seen her new lesbian haircut? And she has the ego to try and say she looks like Michelle Williams? HAHA! Hysterical. She looks like an albino transvestite with a Dutch-boy haircut.

What is sad is that Heather used to actually have some writing skill. I think, in a lot of ways, she still possesses that skill. The problem is that she has Kate Gosselin syndrome and thinks that the world owes something to her and that she is some sort of celebrity. The truth is – no one really gives a shit – and the ones who do just want to kiss the Great Douche’s ass and get their blog address printed on her site.

I would love to see Douche pooping her panties now that blog owners are required by law to state that they are being paid for promoting products on their site. I don’t believe for one second that half the shit that Douchebag puts on her site is because she just loves it. She is paid for every little morsel of bullshit she puts on that site.

I love your site, Chickenliver, and I love Douche’s monetizing the hate section. Sure, I am giving her a page view – sure, that is loading her already full pockets. But I just love to read all the other like-minded individuals who think she is a total tool.

Example #3

I just don’t understand why Heather acts like she is the only person in the world to ever have had a child. Instead of doing a google search to see if a product exists to keep little legs out of crib slats, she feels the need to snowball into melodrama.

I don’t know what’s sadder, Heather’s exasperation over a common parenting issue, or the fact that her commenters lap it up.

I guess in Dooce land it’s easier to wish a developmental disorder on a healthy child than to actually do 5 minutes of research.

Oh, and Dooce: No pasting this comment to your site.

Example #4

What strikes me as interesting in this whole Monetizing the Hate/Love thing is that the comments/emails published on Monetizing the Hate make me laugh and sound insane and pathetic, but when Iread the stuff on here, I don’t laugh, or think that the people writing it are angry, judgemental assholes…I can’t help but agree with them in their defense of Heather and they condemnation of you “Renegade Moms.”
This is so low, so junior high, so sad. Why don’t you understand how small this makes you look? Do you not have a little voice in the back of your head saying “well, this is a *little* cruel, maybe…”??? I couldn’t live with myself, or sleep through the night, if I knew I had made a website or posted something publicly that tore apart someone else. Tell me, how do you do it?

Example #5

Left Coast Cowboys website – I just happened upon this site tonight while doing a little research for this post.  I want to make sure I have all my information correct because I am certain I will be blasted if anyone from either side of the camp happens upon my site.  The site listed above has at least one entire post dedicated to disliking Dooce.  From what I could gater it is solely because of a bathroom remodel.  WTH?  Seriously?  Yes.

You are probably asking yourself, what is all this about?  Well it started with this post from dooce.  Here is an excerpt:

“And I’m sitting there feeding Marlo, my abdomen wrapped in a bandage SO THAT I DON’T GIVE HER CHICKEN POX, and I’m reading an anonymous comment calling me an asshead, and suddenly I remember that conversation I had with Heather. And I’m like, you know what? I’m going to let that anonymous comment help pay for the therapy that Leta is so desperately going to need once she finds out what awful things I’ve said about her on my website.

Internet, let me introduce you to Monetizing The Hate.

Here I will be posting all the hate mail I get in my inbox and all the hateful anonymous and not-so-anonymous comments left on this website. And let me tell you, it is a hoot! And the money? OH THE MONEY! I am going to roll around naked in all that money! Because that’s what assheads do!”

The first time I read the monetizing the hate site I was amused.  My amusement soon turned to shock and dismay.  Then it became plain depressing when I followed the links from google to some of the sites that contain the above comments.  Those sites are disturbing to say the least.  They are also a good lesson in social class.  They are full of sterotypes, uneducated people, educated but unhappy people, schoolyard bullies and as much as they deny it, jealous people.  So what can be done about Internet bullies?  Is Heathers hate site the answer?***  This discussion will be continued, so until next time…if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all.

*If you see any errors in my copied and pasted content, please email me @ nooneisperfect@neitherareyou.com

**I will edit as I see the list change.  I think it will change often as they run out of nasty things to say about these sites.

***At the time of this writing the Dooce hate site is currently unavailable.  There is a possibility that she took the site down.  Lawsuits?