It has been a busy time and I haven’t had much time to write. I have really missed writing and think about doing it at least twice a day. But there are other things that need to be done, so this blog has come in last on the priority list.
I started this with the intention of writing about my daughter and our daily lives. The frustrations that I face as a parent and of course the overwhelming joy that I feel having her in my life. It has suprised me that this blog has become much more to me.
I have never been one who sticks with a hobby for more than a month. Who am I kidding? I never stick with anything longer than a week. There are so many unfinished “projects” waiting to be finished that I have to hide them from myself or I am constantly reminded that I am, for lack of a better term, a big quitter. But this blog has held my attention and I look forward to the times when I can sit down, uninterrupted and write about anything I want (almost).
I read several blogs daily, religiously I read and check for updates. There are women out there just like me (much better writers) and they are good at this. Really, really good at this. So good, some of them stay at home with their children and make a living from the advertising on their blogs. Others do it for the same reasons that I do. It’s my outlet. I am amazed at their openness to tell stories that I do not yet have the courage to tell. They are honest about their short comings as parents, spouses, friends and human beings. I feel like I know these women and their stories of daily life entertain, sadden and inspire me all at the same time.
I am working on the honesty. Maybe honesty isn’t the right word I am looking for. I haven’t been dishonest but I haven’t been completely open on this site. There are certain things that I want to write about but I am not at that comfort level yet. I am not worried about what people will think. I only know of two or three people who actually read this and I know they would never judge me for being honest. I am just worried about how it may sound. Will I tell the story and give it the justice it deserves? Can I find the words to describe the way I truly feel without sounding like a fourth grader writing about her summer vacation?
When you check in next year, look for the honesty. It will be here and it may not be the “Crazy For Her” that you have read so far. Of course I will always be crazy for that little girl but there will also be a lot about me and some things I need to write about me. Mainly my past, nothing too terrible, just moments I want to remember, some that I want to forget. I hope that writing about them will somehow put them to rest and possibly make me happier.
Recently I heard someone say, “The YOU that everyone sees and hears is only 20% of the real YOU. The other 80% is the dialog that you keep inside yourself.” The whole point to this discussion was that some people try to present the most positive side of themselves to others and they cheat themselves by keeping all the negative inside and they never truly get rid of things that bother them. I have found that to be true in my life. I am certainly not the most positive person you will ever meet but I normally do not say what I truly feel. I keep it inside and regret it most of the time. Maybe this is the place where I can finally say what I think and not feel guilty or regret it later.
If I chicken out, I can always come back later and delete it!
I don’t have time to write about Christmas Eve or Christmas at the moment. Busy playing with all the toys we have. This is for Karrie – Here is the link to the some of the pictures I took last night. The shots of you and Taylor turned out great. I will have copies made for you. Love you!
Maddie had a Christmas party at school today. Complete with a gift from Santa, minus sitting on his lap. This she refuses to do even though she talks about Santa constantly, when she actually sees him she goes into freak out mode. She clutches onto the nearest person and hides her face in fear. Or is it shame because she thinks she has been bad. Why would she think this? Well, at least 3 times a night I tell her “If you are not good Santa will not bring you presents”. Oh the pleasures of parenthood.
The best part about this day was all the gifts they made for their parents. I have a Christmas wreath made out of a paper plate, a candy cane reindeer and a placemat for Santa’s cookies and milk.
The homemade presents are the best part about sending Maddie to daycare. At least three times a week I arrive at the daycare and Maddie is running towards me waving a drawing and looking very proud. “Made for you Momma, like it?” Like it? I love it!
A few nights ago I was in the office paying our bills. Maddie does not tolerate her mother sitting in one place for longer than 2.5 seconds. She was grabbing pens, paper, matches and sharp objects from the desk. Just kidding about the matches, I only let her play with the sharp objects.
She wanted to help me address the envelopes, we have the nifty address labels so I let her help. She left the room and I had 15 minutes of peace and quiet so that I could finish balancing the checkbook (Note: Big lie, I haven’t balanced my checkbook in 7 years). I was really surfing the internet for 15 minutes.
I left the office and found Maddie in the dining room with the address labels and she had managed to label every object that she could reach. She labeled the globe, the candle holders and I am still finding random objects nicely marked with our name and address.
Today at work someone noticed that I had something stuck to the bottom of my shoe. Without looking, I responded “Address label, you know, in case I lose my shoes.” Most of my co-workers think I am crazy and it is the only form of entertainment in my very long, boring day.
Tonight I found the remote was labeled and I thought that wasn’t such a bad idea. I haven’t removed any of the labels and it makes me smile when I see them. Because the next time we have company I want them to wonder why we have so many things marked with our name and address. Are we afraid that someone might steal our cheap candle holders?
No, we have a two year old who was occupied and content for 15 minutes. Don’t even think about taking that away from us.